Conversation with Death

Death, you have become my friend. When I was a child, I remember sitting in a big chair pushed over in the corner. Remember the day my mother went on a short trip. I believed in spirits and the corner protected me. This is the first time I remember you watching. Maybe it was you protecting me. Who is to say you don't look over the living, not waiting for them to join you, but making sure they don't arrive before their journey here is completed. I remember when I was 8 years old, the time my Grandfather came to me to say goodbye. I was not afraid. I was in awe, with a feeling of love. Mom was a little questionable, then my Grandmother arrived to share the news of Grandfathers departure . Her heart was so broken. I saw a sadness in your face that day. A thought appeared to me you felt misunderstood. I saw you again the night my beloved Uncle died, I knew he could only stay for a moment. I also felt his joy. I think you knew how unhappy and confused I was that night and you brought my Uncle to say everything is ok. Until today, I have never thanked you for these occasions. For allowing me to see another side of you, Death. I flirted with you many times during my youth, wanting you to take me to a magical place. Every occasion you protected my life. There were times I wanted go with you and you refused. I questioned your decision and motives. Finally, I begin to accept it was not my time to take the journey with you. There was more to learn. People to meet and children to be born. I am glad you taught me patience. You also brought me closer to a power greater than myself. I have never feared you, then again nor have I had much respect for you. I could not understand how you could take an innocent away before they had time to grow and live life. I have never understood disease or pain or killing. Maybe you don't either. Perhaps, this is not your reasoning. I hated you when you came for my Mother and husband. But through you, I learned to respect life, that nothing stays in this world forever , no matter how much I love it. I also learned, it was not my decision when you came or who you chose for the journey. Each time you have touched me more deeply. The sun has became brighter, the flowers grow more glorious, the birds sing sweeter. I become more peaceful and grateful, not for the loss, but the time given, Not time for myself, but for gifts given by life. The sorrow and pain I feel as loss is knowing I miss a physical being. This will probably never change. This you will always leave behind. Some call you God; some believe they just cease to exist. No one knows how to explain away the sadness and loss left behind. Humans have no words to heal hearts nor actions to to alieve the sadness. Only time and personal awakening heal these. You have taught me how to laugh more, how to cry freely from joy or sadness. You have taught me how to forgive and to accept. You have taught me how not to fear or take life lightly. You have taught me how to reach out to others and to receive love. You have taught me to take time for life , not to judge it, but to live it. You have taught me all things change and never in my time frame. Instead of taking my life; you gave me a life. Someday you will come to take me on that magical journey. Until them I will live the journey here. I will see the magic of every sunrise and the beauty of the sunset. I know every season has a purpose. I will appreciate what life has given not what I think it takes I have seen your face. I have seem the sadness for our loss and a beautiful light of hope for tomorrow. You have given me eternity.